Time for a new goal...

I haven't followed up on the goal from last week because we spent the majority of last week either not feeling well ourselves or taking care of whoever was feeling worst at the moment. Which means I also didn't fully accomplish my goal. I'll have to work on it some more. And because of the busy week up ahead I'm cautious about starting another goal and not having the ability to complete it. But I can't not have some sort of goal. So the goal is to stick to the commitments I've already made for my physical self.

Spiritual Goal: To Be a Good Sister

Good morning world!

I was asked to give the lesson in Relief Society yesterday. For those
of you that don't know, Relief Society includes all the women (18 and
older) of my church and meets the third hour of church. But this isn't
all Relief Society is. It's a group of sisters that take care of one
another, look out for each other, have fun together, and are just
sisters, I suppose. It's the closest thing I have experienced to
having sisters since I grew up with only brothers.

Anyway, the lesson was on family responsibilities. I was actually so
happy to be asked to teach because I learn so much when I teach and
that was the case yesterday.

One thing we talked about was the responsibilities we have in our ward
family. We are given callings, things to do to help in the church, and
we are also assigned sisters to visit teach. This means I am assigned
sisters to visit with each month. The purpose of the visit is to
spiritually uplift the sister as well as check on her temporal and
emotional needs. Likewise, visiting teachers are assigned to me which
means I have two great sisters looking out for me. I love it when my
visiting teachers come for a visit or give me a call. So one would
think that I would return that favor to those I'm asked to visit. I'm
sad to say not so. I have not done a good job, especially since the
baby came, of visiting, or even calling my sisters. After the lesson
yesterday I decided that is something I would really like to improve.

So this week's goal is to do my part in being the kind of sister I
would want someone to be to me. It might not make sence how this will
improve my spiritual health, but I know it will.

Following up... Super fast

Yah, long story short, I've failed at my goal this week so I'm
thinking of giving it a go again during the upcoming physical week.

It's not all lost though. I did do something that helped my sanity, oh
I mean mental health. I let some of the pressure off by listing
everything that was bothering me to a friend. Poor girl made the
mistake of asking how I was doing and she got an email back full of
noise. But it's something I've learned that's critical to our all
around health. When you are carrying burdens it is really helpful to
actually talk about it with someone. Some how the burdens actually
become lighter when someone else knows.

So moral of the story #2: spill those beans!

One of THOSE Days

Today was one of those days.

The kind where you write an email to your husband stating the fact that you've just about lost it and you are done and all that jazz and he (wisely) decides to come home from work early. And when he does, through tears, you tell him to take the baby and don't come back for a really, really long time.

Yah, that kind of day.

Sort of feel guilty about it.

But then sort of not.

I needed a break yesterday and wasn't able to get it and then the baby had a very bad night. The kind where she's just restless all night long which means constant waking which means constant soothing. So the cards were stacked against me when I got up today and by the afternoon I was about to my wit's end and then... the baby fell asleep... "Oh, blessed nap!" I thought but then how wonderful the baby was awakened 20 minutes later by a neighbor boy walking by. Yes, I officially have the lightest sleeper on the face of the planet. Lots of times I can soothe her back to sleep. Not today. Not the day I needed it most.

So, it was not a good afternoon.

And I guess I just have the need to complain a little to get it all out. So here goes...

Why, can someone please tell me, is it that the harder I work at trying to improve my life, the harder it gets?!
I feel like I am constantly working to do the right thing, the good thing, the best thing but there is nothing to show for it. Except my exhaustion.

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Actually, most days I feel like giving up. Really. Most days I have some sort of battle about giving up. To give up or not to give up... That is the question. But generally speaking, I pull myself up and decide to try one more day, try one more thing. But nothing changes. That I guess is the thing that is frustrating me the most. Okay, at least one of the "most-est" things. I don't give up. I decide to keep on going, working at life, expecting it to change and it doesn't. It doesn't get easier in spite of not giving up. The problems don't go away because I didn't give up. That's what I mean by nothing changes.

Another weight/issue that has weighed me down to the breaking point today is the lost hope. I was relying on something, expecting something. It was kind of the last option. And it fell through. What do you do when the last option falls through? Well, I guess there is another path to take so it's not entirely the last option. But the last option travelling down a certain path... that is the thing that's gone and so I suppose the last bit of hope that went with it... well... went with it. I know there is hope. I'm not entirely hopeless. But I know the other path is exhausting. Which makes me feel like the cycle of this exhausting life continues. Try harder... be more tired... try harder... be more tired.

So like I said, today was one of those days.

Mental Goal: (Unexpectedly) Exercise

I know that exercise would commonly be under the physical goal but
I've decided to make it a goal for my mental health this week. I saw a
picture last week of someone exercising and it reminded me of how
exercising makes me feel and I wanted that back. (The kind of exercise
that is the hard, get-your-heart-pumping kind.) The lady had a look of
clarity. She looked refreshed and invigorated. All things I would like
to have in my life. My challenge, well okay I have more than one... My
challenges include making myself work harder- more than just light
walking and to make the time every day to do it.

I guess when it comes down to it I just have to commit to it. Like
I've committed to not eating things that have no nutritional value and
can I just add that I had ample opportunity this weekend between a
first birthday party and a beach day with friends- non-nutritional
calories abounded. But I didn't have to think about it or even
consider it because I had made my decision. So when a friend pulled
out old fashioned donuts (a former weakness/love of mine I didn't even
have to think about it because I had long before made my decision. Now
I need to make the same type of commitment/decision about exercising
so that when something comes up or I'm just feeling too tired or too
sore, I'll do it anyway because the decision has been made long
before.

Okay, so I guess my objective for this week is to commit- long term-
to exercising daily.

Let's Be Honest

To sum up my goal progress so far... I am clearly in the habit of thinking of myself too much because it has been hard to get myself to think of others first. That has got to change.

But instead of discussing that more I am going to change the topic. I've had something on my mind for a couple days and I feel like blogging about that. That topic is the hidden truth and what we're doing about it.

The Hidden Truth.

AKA
"Getting in shape"
"Losing weight"
"Toning up"
"Slimming down"

It's the hidden truth because often we say we want to be healthy when what we really mean is we want to get rid of the extra 5 or 50 or 100 pounds we're carrying around. No one wants to admit they are trying to work off those extra pounds. And because no one wants to admit it no one talks about it. And because no one talks about it no one knows how to do it. So when someone, who has something to sell I would add, does talk about it, we assume they must know what they're talking about because they're actually talking about it and so they convince us the only way to do it is follow some crazy diet where you can only eat potatoes on Tuesday, inject yourself with a magic potion on Wednesday, take a pill on Thursday, eat nothing the rest of the week and miraculously lose 20 pounds that month.

Ridiculous?
Um...yah!

But sadly it's all too easy to fall prey to the easy seller of do nothing and get something. You cannot, unfortunately, eat apples in the fall if you didn't plant the tree in the spring. That is an eternal principle. And applies to working off weight. Notice I didn't say lose weight. Losing implies no effort, quite by accident. That, again, would be akin to eating imaginary apples who's tree was never planted.

So, moral of the story #1... it takes effort, good hard work, to

"Get in shape"
"Lose- scratch that- work off weight"
"Tone up"
"Slim down"

You may, justifiably, be thinking to yourself why take advice from someone who is currently 60 pounds overweight.

Completely understandable.

But I do have some life experience to pull from as I've actually worked off 50 pounds. Yes, 10 came back after delivering the baby, but I've since worked off another 6. Yes, I still have 60 to go. (I said I knew how to work it off, but I said nothing about it being easy.) But the way I see it is I've got to say what I know, what I've experienced because I am in the same boat and if I can keep someone from falling prey to some crazy diet scheme that will really do more harm than good, well then, I'll consider myself successful.

A New Week, A New Goal

You may have noticed I didn't post mid-week regarding my goal progress
for improving my sleep. Yah, I decided to have a nervous break down of
sorts instead. So moving forward, because that's all I have the energy
to do, and that act alone is nearly killing me, (whoa, easy on the
drama, Sister) I need a new goal for this week.

Let's see... This week is for the emotional pillar of health. Normally
I've thought of a goal a head of time. Not so this week. Hmmm.

What in my emotional bank account needs a deposit?

Okay, it's come to me.

This week is going to be all about thinking of others and forgetting
myself. Service. Thinking first what I can do for someone before
thinking about my needs, my trials, my struggles. Me. Me. Me. Blah.
Blah. Blah. How can I bless someone's life today? Who is saying a
prayer today for help that I can answer? Who needs my help? What can I
do to make the world a better place?